Good evening,
This letter is an impromptu one and I have an image in my head as per what this may entail but I'm going to let the words lead me.
On that note lets do this,
I have been a man of many a different focus. I have focused on school while maintaining a full time job. I have focused on relationships where I needed to focus on myself. I've focused on my career when I need to focus on where my future is really going to be.
I find myself a busy man by choice. I think that many people can relate to choosing their prison in that they with only really own up to the parts that they like about it. We like to define ourselves in what we do and what we are passionate about but is it really those things that make us unique?
I find that as I traverse this road that I'm first and foremost a teacher in my worldview. I believe with everything I can give that we all have something to give each other. We may not agree and we may not see eye to eye but that experience really gives way to new ways of thinking and new ways of problem solving.
I'm going to back up here and really give you some perception here(I know clever based upon my blog whatnot). I've recently been though an interesting year in which I've had to re-identify who I am and what I'm about. I changed jobs, I couldn't look away from my past, I had to look at my future and where I want to be. I've recently been listening to "The Urban Monk", by Pedram Shojai, who is apparently the founder of well.org Each chapter was broken up into a problem and how to solve it with a mix of eastern traditional and western tech practices. As someone who wants to be better for myself and those around me I found myself listening to this intently on my ride to and from work. The book is fantastic in getting to look at things in more of a grand scheme of things. I can't express overall how much it seemed to hit many a nail on the head and made me wonder why I don't do more for myself and those around me. I'm not talking about the charity sort but really taking care of yourself so you can contribute to those around you. Finding a baseline is important and more important than we can really see ourselves with.
So in listening to this book I find that I'm not interested in the same old crap that I've been doing. I want to change my life in a better way. I want to be better and create on a fundamental level.
We live in a magical age. We can reach people across the globe and relate in a way that we have never had the opportunity to do before. We can record our ideas and instantly share them with those we love and hate. We can express ourselves with art, language and digital sharing that no other age has had the opportunity to do so. We have so much information that we cannot even begin to sort through it.
I want to be loved and accepted as much as the next person. I want to contribute to those around me and the success that they might find in their lives. I want the best of those around me but barely do the right thing by myself. I've been told that "I'm not selfish enough" - I don't even know what this means. Are you selfish? Do you think you do enough for you?
I have many a motivated goals, I want to be successful where I am, I want to lead people to a better life, I want to own a business, I want to create a community around common interests, I want to invest in myself, I want to be the example that other will strive towards, I want to connect people to solve each others problems, I want to encourage positive and strong growth.
I look at that paragraph and think that everyone must be able to identify with some of those goals. Maybe they identify with all of those goals. Maybe not.
I want to bend like a reed in the wind.
Maybe the greatest of thoughts are those in between, the moments we currently live and the energy we put into them. Now is where all the power I will ever have exists and from instant to instant I can only look forward and backward.
Perhaps the never ending flow is like that, Always looking at what has and what will be.
Friday, August 26, 2016
Wednesday, September 17, 2014
AI for games & simulations
I've recently begun my latest class into the foray of learning how to 'game develop' and the name of the class really brings a lot of bigger questions to mind. It is a little mind boggling how we can take math and create and the more I learn the more I don't understand.
So get this:
When developing an AI in a game most gamers (people whom have played games) can tell you when something is being stupid (not working as intended - or is it?) and can tell you when the AI is too smart for its own good ( working as intended - or is it?!). Now when we look at creating an AI within a game we need someway to help the AI decide what its next action will be. This is where it gets interesting.
An AI will take external and internal knowledge and it will follow through to make a decision - typically by a FSM(finite state machine) - and then it will see assess the next decision based upon what has changed due to its actions.
Now think for a second - this describes the natural process of interaction for just about every living creature! If hungry then seek food, found food then seek shelter, found shelter seek warmth. We are magicians in our own right and its crazy the kinds of things that technology will bring us in the future!
So get this:
When developing an AI in a game most gamers (people whom have played games) can tell you when something is being stupid (not working as intended - or is it?) and can tell you when the AI is too smart for its own good ( working as intended - or is it?!). Now when we look at creating an AI within a game we need someway to help the AI decide what its next action will be. This is where it gets interesting.
An AI will take external and internal knowledge and it will follow through to make a decision - typically by a FSM(finite state machine) - and then it will see assess the next decision based upon what has changed due to its actions.
Now think for a second - this describes the natural process of interaction for just about every living creature! If hungry then seek food, found food then seek shelter, found shelter seek warmth. We are magicians in our own right and its crazy the kinds of things that technology will bring us in the future!
Friday, August 8, 2014
The Internet and my Education
If you had asked me when I graduated high school if I would be completing my college education through an online school like DeVry - I would've thought you were crazy. However I never thought that without this giant tool called the internet would allow me to learn so much from the chair in front of my computer.
When I began my search for higher education, I knew that I wouldn't be able to take time away from work in order to pursue my goals. I would already be taking out loans to get college squared away, how much more for living? The fascinating part about looking for schools that would provide online classes is that there is such a wide breadth of them out there. From schools that required physical books in your hands, to ones that touted that they could be accessed from any tablet, which wasn't as popular an option 4 years ago.
All of these options from a single internet connection!! I had never felt so overwhelmed and excited by the possibilities in front of me. The choices I would make next would change the course of my life. I actually have one particular person to thank for assisting me in sorting through how I saw myself in the future. She talked with me on the phone for far longer than expected and asked all the hard questions I would've never asked myself. Suzanne Fritch provided me with the grace to look behind me to get to my future. I can, and will never thank her enough.
The joy of finally being in a classroom environment from the comfort of my home was thrilling. I could do things I'd never done before - participate in class at 2am, in my underwear while listening to youtube videos in the back round. It was loose and yet so very regimented at the same time. The biggest take-away from this kind of setting made me realize the importance of time management and where my energy goes. The internet bringing school to me, on my terms and on my time.
Without this wonderful internet, I would be in a different place in my life. I cannot imagine how my life would've been today but I am grateful for the chance to change my future.
Now not that the internet is the perfect - it also comes with its own flaws. The biggest drawback to my relationship to the internet is the level of dependency I have upon it. The moment the internet is out is the moment I have no access to the entirety of my work. That moment is one filled with anxiety and fear that I won't be able to get to it again. This dependence has resulted in a lifestyle where I'm always near an internet connection. Wi-Fi access spots, friends network passwords, 4G supported internet - This is what I need to go forward and that is altogether very scary.
Beyond that fear is something more. I've spent hours reviewing online videos and tutorials. Hours looking for that scholarship that will let me take the next step in my journey.
I just want everyone to take a step back and remember where you might be if you couldn't search that recipe on the spot, if you couldn't find that precious algorithm that is perfect for your recursive function, if you couldn't check a friends status from a glance. It becomes so easy to take it for granted, but I'm grateful for the way online connectivity has changed my life.
When I began my search for higher education, I knew that I wouldn't be able to take time away from work in order to pursue my goals. I would already be taking out loans to get college squared away, how much more for living? The fascinating part about looking for schools that would provide online classes is that there is such a wide breadth of them out there. From schools that required physical books in your hands, to ones that touted that they could be accessed from any tablet, which wasn't as popular an option 4 years ago.
All of these options from a single internet connection!! I had never felt so overwhelmed and excited by the possibilities in front of me. The choices I would make next would change the course of my life. I actually have one particular person to thank for assisting me in sorting through how I saw myself in the future. She talked with me on the phone for far longer than expected and asked all the hard questions I would've never asked myself. Suzanne Fritch provided me with the grace to look behind me to get to my future. I can, and will never thank her enough.
The joy of finally being in a classroom environment from the comfort of my home was thrilling. I could do things I'd never done before - participate in class at 2am, in my underwear while listening to youtube videos in the back round. It was loose and yet so very regimented at the same time. The biggest take-away from this kind of setting made me realize the importance of time management and where my energy goes. The internet bringing school to me, on my terms and on my time.
Without this wonderful internet, I would be in a different place in my life. I cannot imagine how my life would've been today but I am grateful for the chance to change my future.
Now not that the internet is the perfect - it also comes with its own flaws. The biggest drawback to my relationship to the internet is the level of dependency I have upon it. The moment the internet is out is the moment I have no access to the entirety of my work. That moment is one filled with anxiety and fear that I won't be able to get to it again. This dependence has resulted in a lifestyle where I'm always near an internet connection. Wi-Fi access spots, friends network passwords, 4G supported internet - This is what I need to go forward and that is altogether very scary.
Beyond that fear is something more. I've spent hours reviewing online videos and tutorials. Hours looking for that scholarship that will let me take the next step in my journey.
I just want everyone to take a step back and remember where you might be if you couldn't search that recipe on the spot, if you couldn't find that precious algorithm that is perfect for your recursive function, if you couldn't check a friends status from a glance. It becomes so easy to take it for granted, but I'm grateful for the way online connectivity has changed my life.
Monday, July 28, 2014
How much time do you spend in a Queue?
This week I find myself learning about how to properly program Queues in C++. I can't help but observe a couple things that you may or may not have noticed.
first - how much of our lives to we spend in a queue? Whether at the market, waiting on a server queue or even the doctors? I've spent a decent chunk of time this morning with my mother walking around in a hospital going literally from queue to queue to queue. This really is what caused the question above to become a point of conversation today.
Just by doing some very simple math we can see how much I might actually be spending my life in a line.
Lets say that we measure this in minutes per day.
So lets say I spend minutes in traffic = 5
Waiting on load times at work = 20
at the market = 5
loading times in games = 10 ( this would include mobile, pc and console)
so per day we see approximately 40 minutes in a queue.
per week that makes it = 210 minutes or 3.5 hours
per month 14 hours
per year that's 1 week in queue.
Now in learning how to program a queue we look at the ability to place data elements in a stack and remove them from a stack. To enqueue and dequeue respectively. It essentially comes down to looking at how to modify a list but that is another way to even take a look at some of the things we have in life.
first - how much of our lives to we spend in a queue? Whether at the market, waiting on a server queue or even the doctors? I've spent a decent chunk of time this morning with my mother walking around in a hospital going literally from queue to queue to queue. This really is what caused the question above to become a point of conversation today.
Just by doing some very simple math we can see how much I might actually be spending my life in a line.
Lets say that we measure this in minutes per day.
So lets say I spend minutes in traffic = 5
Waiting on load times at work = 20
at the market = 5
loading times in games = 10 ( this would include mobile, pc and console)
so per day we see approximately 40 minutes in a queue.
per week that makes it = 210 minutes or 3.5 hours
per month 14 hours
per year that's 1 week in queue.
Now in learning how to program a queue we look at the ability to place data elements in a stack and remove them from a stack. To enqueue and dequeue respectively. It essentially comes down to looking at how to modify a list but that is another way to even take a look at some of the things we have in life.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
SO many topics so little time
Soooooooooo - totally forgot about doing this for a while. This year has been well..... full of life and full of work and full of - well everything.
One of the most significant things I came back to this on this breezy summer night is that I wanted to use this to chronicle my time in online school, learning how to become an adept code ninja and make some games. However this has become more of a way for me to list off observations and interesting events in life. Almost like a diary (ps Work diary - I'm not cheating on you!)
Now I find that sometimes it is when you are really strapped down for time that's when you SHOULD really look at what you are accomplishing with that time. I know we are all guilty of saying "Holy shit - I do not have time for this!' But we are living and why do we find ourselves so un-enamored with life?
All this stress and we tell ourselves optimistically that it will all pay off. I know that I may actually sound like some sort of crazy Disney movie moment right now but we often forget that its in these crazy times that we forge and break some of the best relationships in our lives as well as define what we want in the future.
I want to do some many things. among those are:
One of the most significant things I came back to this on this breezy summer night is that I wanted to use this to chronicle my time in online school, learning how to become an adept code ninja and make some games. However this has become more of a way for me to list off observations and interesting events in life. Almost like a diary (ps Work diary - I'm not cheating on you!)
Now I find that sometimes it is when you are really strapped down for time that's when you SHOULD really look at what you are accomplishing with that time. I know we are all guilty of saying "Holy shit - I do not have time for this!' But we are living and why do we find ourselves so un-enamored with life?
All this stress and we tell ourselves optimistically that it will all pay off. I know that I may actually sound like some sort of crazy Disney movie moment right now but we often forget that its in these crazy times that we forge and break some of the best relationships in our lives as well as define what we want in the future.
I want to do some many things. among those are:
- Review games - This guy is someone I see as a peer and see going places
- Jump out of a plane - yes I am that crazy
- Become a pilot - everyone dreams of flying right?
- Make a 'successful' app
- Create a game that makes someone smile wide enough they need to show someone else.
- Cook more
- Play more
- Write more?
Monday, June 9, 2014
E3 BANANANANANANANANAS
Phantom Dust
Really - This was a fantastic title back in the day and THIS was my highlight of day one.
Also Werewolves.
and Arthurian legends and the Order 1886 is going to be fantastic.
Please do yourself a favor and check em out!
Really - This was a fantastic title back in the day and THIS was my highlight of day one.
Also Werewolves.
and Arthurian legends and the Order 1886 is going to be fantastic.
Please do yourself a favor and check em out!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
I'm Josh and I'm a Game Designer
I'm also participating in the Logitech GTV Contest #GottaGetTwitter
But that is not what brings me here today.
I'm here to do a long overdue update to this thing. So here goes!!!
PAX East was last weekend and it was A TON OF FUN. Seriously - if you like games in any sense it is a must attend show. I met soooo many people, people who are my gaming heroes and people who are making some of the games I'm truly excited for. The sore feet and the lack of proper rest over a 4 day period was worth the experience.
I played Chase the Sun on the Oculus rift, Galak-Z, Ascension - I know, not a vidja game, and tons more. I attended tons of panels on gaming, getting into the industry, making creative projects work, managing these things and how social media is 24/7 thanks to Jake Baldino and his panel and this gave way to new thinking.
Why not?
I know it doesn't make sense yet but here's how I see it -
Often things get in the way and people have immediate issues that need taken care of and yet the thing that drive me to pursue this goal of creating games is the first thing shoved back to the bottom of the list.
So why not other things?
Why replace what one wants to do with some other empty experiences?
Why not do passion first and everything else later?
Why make the motivator the last item I come around to?
Life is full of unique ways to look at things and is equally full of ways to interpret them. Everyday is a game with each person having wildly different objectives. It's just a matter of seeing what it is and showing the world the way I see it.
I'll be putting up as much as i can here for people to see and as much as I can think and type for people to read. Obviously share your thoughts and comments!
But that is not what brings me here today.
I'm here to do a long overdue update to this thing. So here goes!!!
I played Chase the Sun on the Oculus rift, Galak-Z, Ascension - I know, not a vidja game, and tons more. I attended tons of panels on gaming, getting into the industry, making creative projects work, managing these things and how social media is 24/7 thanks to Jake Baldino and his panel and this gave way to new thinking.
Why not?
I know it doesn't make sense yet but here's how I see it -
Often things get in the way and people have immediate issues that need taken care of and yet the thing that drive me to pursue this goal of creating games is the first thing shoved back to the bottom of the list.
So why not other things?
Why replace what one wants to do with some other empty experiences?
Why not do passion first and everything else later?
Why make the motivator the last item I come around to?
Life is full of unique ways to look at things and is equally full of ways to interpret them. Everyday is a game with each person having wildly different objectives. It's just a matter of seeing what it is and showing the world the way I see it.
I'll be putting up as much as i can here for people to see and as much as I can think and type for people to read. Obviously share your thoughts and comments!
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