It shapes us

As I sit down and really think about what to type here I start to think about how someone could possibly react to everything that will be said here.  I should probably start at the beginning so it will make the sense that it makes to me.

I'm Josh and I'm a Game Designer.  Or at least I will be when I have some sort of finished product.  You see I'm currently "going" to school with DeVry Online for Game and Simulation Programming.  Lengthy but it means that I will have the knowledge and tools necessary to be apart of the creation side of the gaming industry.  Anyone who is likely reading this knows that I am a Store manager for Gamestop and am successful with the business. 

At the beginning of the year I felt as if nothing had really been changing throughout the year 2012.  I felt hollow from the lack of new and the lack of exciting.  In order here is what happened next:

1. My Assistant Manager hurt herself on the job and was out for multiple weeks.
2. I had surgery on my right hand to remove a mysterious mass in my hand which shackled that hand to no use for 2 weeks and minimal for 4. 
3. My store inventory was coming up which always seems insanely stressful
4. My Grandma passed away, This came away with a new feeling of loss I've never had.  My amazing boss moved my inventory to help with the timing issues that came up with this.
5. My mother has a heart attack days after.

Now this is just the month of January - It is now February and I feel exhausted.  I feel strong from getting through the month, but really what choice did I have there?  Now I really try my best not to exaggerate when it comes to something this real, but I felt as though I was crumbling under the weight of responsibility and emotion.  Even through the painkillers - which were great at killing pain and even better at killing productivity. 

However I learned.  I learned how to use more of my left hand, I learned who I could depend on and who I couldn't.  I learned that not everything ends up perfect.  I learned that time doesn't come back to you.  I want to create and I want to inspire, I wan to give some kid the same feelings I had when I had picked up Shining Force or Panzer Dragoon Saga for the first time. 

I don't think that I could truly convey the level of frustration that comes with each blow and the seemingly endless supply of mishaps and misfortunes that came my way.... I can't place it.  It feels like I'm pulling empty cargo right now and need to really figure out how I can make the future I want for me and those I care about. 

Given all the unfortunate events in my life, there are amazing things working for me that need to be shared.  I'm certified in NY state to sell life insurance and after seeing how it all really plays out with my grandmothers funeral, I feel strongly about it.

Bigger though is that I am apart of a New card game coming to market called ApocalypZe!!
I'm going to be helping the game creators and artist to market the game online and help arrange their Kickstarter.  In a nutshell - it is a zombie themed, survival horror CCG in which you try to outlast your opponent.  Every game tells it's own unique story.  You can choose from the military, police, civilians or bikers as survivors in the apocalypse.  The game is fantastic and I can't wait to show everyone the kickstarter when it goes live and even more so show you the game when it is successful and in card shops!


I have not kept on topic in this post and it looks more personal than I think it is, but what does everyone think?  Is life just crazy or is it a give and take?